About

selfcarehaven

Bio: Shahida Arabi is a summa cum laude graduate of Columbia University graduate school and a four-time bestselling author, including The Smart Girl's Guide to Self-Care and Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself, a #1 Amazon Bestseller. Her writing has been featured on MOGUL, Yoganonymous, Elephant Journal, Dollhouse Magazine, The West 4th Street Review, Thought Catalog, the Feministing Community blog, author Lisa E. Scott's blog and Harvard-trained psychologist Dr. Monica O'Neal's website. Her interests include psychology, sociology, education, gender studies and mental health advocacy. She studied English Literature and Psychology as an undergraduate student at NYU, where she graduated summa cum laude and was President of its National Organization for Women (NOW) chapter. Her viral blog entry, "Five Powerful Ways Abusive Narcissists Get Inside Your Head," has been shared worldwide and her work has been endorsed and shared by numerous clinical psychologists, mental health practitioners, bestselling authors, and award-winning bloggers.

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18 thoughts on “About

      1. the Letter to your abuser was so well written and so true I identified with every word, every thought from beginning to end. Once I began reading I could not stop; It was as if I was speaking myself – I stumbled upon in while researching HOW to write a letter to an abusive person – now I am on your mail list and a subscriber. This is a good place for me. I thank you.

      2. I am so glad you resonated with the letter and found validation in it. Putting into words what we’ve experienced is so cathartic and essential to taking back our power, staying grounded in our reality and holding onto the worthy, valuable and deserving beings we truly are!🙂 Thank you for subscribing to my blog. Many blessings and much love to you❤!

      1. You are very welcome. I am happy to share this special award with you.

        Your videos were a life saver for my brain, when it was quite broken. It was such a blessing to have someone with compassion explain what actually happened to me, in a way that was as kind as possible.

        It is hard for empathic people to believe that such darkness exists, You are doing wonderful work and helping many people.

        Annie❤

  1. Thank you! As a mental health professional as well as a survivor, I so appreciate your work! The sooner a person becomes aware and clear about this type of abuse, the sooner they are able to move forward. I look forward to connecting with you both for my personal healing, and to share with my clients.

  2. Good work. I have studied this a good time. My only complaint at the many support sites I visit is that the mostly all stress romantic relationships. There are other relationships that can be as devastating, sometimes even as much if not more that even partnerships/marriages/couples.

  3. Hey Shahida, I am reading though so much of what you have written here and I cant believe how much of it I have experienced and how well you describe this, you have put into words so eloquently what I have struggled to do myself. Seems to be no difference in the experience at the hands of someone like this whether a guy or a girl. Your insights are and descriptions I cannot believe how well I relate to them. Seems that gender has little to do with the behavior of the perpetrator or the results on the target. Thank you for your site, I look forward to following much of your advice to recover from the torment I have been dealt for many years.

  4. But what do you do if your parents were toxic narcissists and your ex was a total crazy-pants narcissist and you’re free of all that bs – but it looks like one of your lovely kiddos is showing the signs of narcissism?

    I’ve tried to parent in a way that was opposite to how I was raised. Keep in mind that his older brother is sensible, creative, kind, sweet and even-keeled. I’ve tried to promote empathy and accountability, responsibility and limits and consequences. He’s sweet and loving with me (perhaps as an object), but I suspect that he doesn’t really care much about anyone. He cannot tolerate anything that thwarts his will and shows no remorse or empathy when his actions end up hurting others. Most advice about narcissists is about detaching yourself from their clutches, but what if he’s 7 and he’s your dearest boy? How do I not raise a monster?

  5. This is exactly what I have been looking for. I am now in the process of attempting to protect my child from this. You have given me hope – and realization that it isn’t/wasn’t me all those years of being told I was “crazy” Thank you! I would really love to speak to you more on this if possible!

  6. How do I contact you? I have a website that is launching soon (it’s not live yet, but it will be narcissist-free dot com) and I’d like to republish one of your articles. I have Shannon Thomas as a contributor and I’m asking a few others as well. Can you please email me at andrea at narcissist-free dot com?

    1. Hi there, unfortunately currently none of my articles are available for republication as they are being made available in a new essay compilation book. Thanks for reaching out and best of luck with your new endeavors! Shahida

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