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Very impressive!
Thank you <3 and thank you for visiting my blog. 🙂
the Letter to your abuser was so well written and so true I identified with every word, every thought from beginning to end. Once I began reading I could not stop; It was as if I was speaking myself – I stumbled upon in while researching HOW to write a letter to an abusive person – now I am on your mail list and a subscriber. This is a good place for me. I thank you.
I am so glad you resonated with the letter and found validation in it. Putting into words what we’ve experienced is so cathartic and essential to taking back our power, staying grounded in our reality and holding onto the worthy, valuable and deserving beings we truly are! 🙂 Thank you for subscribing to my blog. Many blessings and much love to you <3!
I have nominated you for the Once a Victim Now a Survivor Award. If you choose to accept you can copy and paste the badge from my post. To see the details please see my post here https://lovelywoundedlady.wordpress.com/2015/07/11/once-a-victim-now-a-survivor-award/
Blessings,
Annie <3
Thank you very much Annie! I so appreciate your support of my work and this nomination. What an honor! Blessings to you! 🙂 Best, Shahida <3 <3
You are very welcome. I am happy to share this special award with you.
Your videos were a life saver for my brain, when it was quite broken. It was such a blessing to have someone with compassion explain what actually happened to me, in a way that was as kind as possible.
It is hard for empathic people to believe that such darkness exists, You are doing wonderful work and helping many people.
Annie <3
Awesome and impressive for someone so young. God bless you and guide your path as you help many victims.
Thank you secretangel <3 I really appreciate your support and blessing/prayer.
Thank you! As a mental health professional as well as a survivor, I so appreciate your work! The sooner a person becomes aware and clear about this type of abuse, the sooner they are able to move forward. I look forward to connecting with you both for my personal healing, and to share with my clients.
Good work. I have studied this a good time. My only complaint at the many support sites I visit is that the mostly all stress romantic relationships. There are other relationships that can be as devastating, sometimes even as much if not more that even partnerships/marriages/couples.
I agree. In my new book I talk about narcissistic abuse in relationships, friendships, family and even online via cyberbullying.
Hey Shahida, I am reading though so much of what you have written here and I cant believe how much of it I have experienced and how well you describe this, you have put into words so eloquently what I have struggled to do myself. Seems to be no difference in the experience at the hands of someone like this whether a guy or a girl. Your insights are and descriptions I cannot believe how well I relate to them. Seems that gender has little to do with the behavior of the perpetrator or the results on the target. Thank you for your site, I look forward to following much of your advice to recover from the torment I have been dealt for many years.
But what do you do if your parents were toxic narcissists and your ex was a total crazy-pants narcissist and you’re free of all that bs – but it looks like one of your lovely kiddos is showing the signs of narcissism?
I’ve tried to parent in a way that was opposite to how I was raised. Keep in mind that his older brother is sensible, creative, kind, sweet and even-keeled. I’ve tried to promote empathy and accountability, responsibility and limits and consequences. He’s sweet and loving with me (perhaps as an object), but I suspect that he doesn’t really care much about anyone. He cannot tolerate anything that thwarts his will and shows no remorse or empathy when his actions end up hurting others. Most advice about narcissists is about detaching yourself from their clutches, but what if he’s 7 and he’s your dearest boy? How do I not raise a monster?
This is exactly what I have been looking for. I am now in the process of attempting to protect my child from this. You have given me hope – and realization that it isn’t/wasn’t me all those years of being told I was “crazy” Thank you! I would really love to speak to you more on this if possible!
Shahida, I love your write-up. I have been struggling with how to describe, explain or even expand on what I experienced. I was in counseling for nearly 10 years trying to first save my marriage, second decide why it was broken then deal with the carnage that came from the divorce and how to be the best father I can be. My ex, in my own words, is like Teflon… nothing sticks… I was told by two counselors (one being my personal who also attempted to save the marriage and another who was court appointed) said she was like Borderline personality disorder and Narcissistic… neither were “diagnosed” so she walked away unscathed while I was ripped apart as the “BAD DAD” I ended up relying on “Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder” by Randi Kreger. I am going to be purchasing your book and *fingers crossed* hope to help my daughters from this side of the fence (meaning I am shunned by my 20, 17 and 14 year old girls). Anyone who knows me is just as I am … what did I do and what’s going on!! Thanks again for the wonderful write up! I wish you had a print now button so I can have a physical copy of this article… it’s GOLDEN
Nice! You put meat on the bones of Nichols and Purdy”s Continuums of Abuse, which we’ve been using since the 80s to define the progression in abuse dynamics.
You actually replied to the comments!
I am now a follower because of that and of course your deep insights. I am a domestic abuse and embarking on a legislative paper for change in Michigan.
How do I thank you enough for the time you have spent to capture the very lives so many of us live? There is such hope in knowing someone else “gets it.” Now to learn how to overcome and detach. The cycle of trying to release and let go is so very difficult.
E
-Michigan
Over the nearly 50 years of his marriage, a close relative’s witchy wife completely destroyed every family relationship I had. Today he and I had a brief visit and I told him about this blog and your books, without mentioning his wife at all. I expected him to be hostile, but the minute I said “narcissist” he was VERY interested. I am hoping that reading will give him insight into his own life and mine.
I just read your 20 Diversion Tactics article and I was it was beyond helpful for me. I’m in the process of separating from my wife because I can no longer tolerate the levels of abuse and hostility present in our dynamic which is further compounded and confused by these diversionary tactics. It was so helpful to read the article because I was feeling so helpless trying to understand and explain the levels of psychological distortion in my most intimate of relationships. After she crossed the physical boundary a third time, I’ve moved out. I want to make sure I stay out AND make sure I don’t repeat this pattern with her or another similar personality moving forward. Which of your books do you recommend for this healing and moving forward process? Power or Narcissists Nightmare? I can determine which one is better suited for me. And thank you for what you do. For anyone experiencing what I am experiencing, you are blessing.
“can’t” determine, not “can”
I read your book and have been watching your videos and it is amazing how spot on they are!. I’m a big, tough guy that has been in an abusive relationship with a Narcicistic Woman for 6 years and am dealing with my “withdrawal” after the de-value/discard phase. This is going to be a long road to recovery for me but I just wanted to thank you so much for what you are doing. Know that you are helping so many and that you are literally saving peoples lives. Thank you & Bless you!
Bryan from Colorado
I’ll pray for you, Bryan. I recently went no contact and I understand the “withdrawals” you speak of.
Your words are very empowering and inspiring and I appreciate you for it. You’re one strong woman who knows what she wants and who is clear on who she is and who is an inspiration to so many of us.
Glad you exist and I’m grateful for being a witness to your mighty spirit and sharing it with all of us.
I got out of my situation, but I am still dealing with negative influences around me.
The more I heal any emotional vulnerabilities and wounds, the better my life gets.
I am a survivor of narcissistic abuse.
It’s been 87 days and counting – no contact. Except in my mind.
It’s all I can do to make it through each day, and each night.
I’m just now beginning to come out of the fog, like waking up from a nightmare, still struggling with fully comprehending the magnitude of what actually happened to me, still confused and vulnerable and grieving, but getting stronger as more time passes.
I was so naive, I’d never even heard of narcissism before.
I just recently found your facebook page, and your blog, and have ordered 3 of your books. I need to face this head on.
Knowledge is power, but it’s so shocking and painful to read “my story” in print. I don’t understand, how can it be so accurate?
This. . . is . . . him! It’s like he was following a script. It’s frightening!
I’m incredibly grateful to you for making so much information available for us to educate and empower ourselves with.
I wish I had found you at the beginning of this nightmare, but you are now my lifeline in this healing process. I will survive and thrive!
You are making a real difference. Thank you!
Hi Shahida, thank you so much for your blog and youtube channel. I’ve learnt so much about narcissism by following what you’ve shared over the years which helped me a lot in my personal life. Most recently, I’ve been going through a positive and empowering period in my life making some major positive life changes. I also noticed that I have been attracting many.. many narcissists especially women that I have been able to identify from the love bombing, investigative curiosity and wanting to peek into all aspects of my life, outspoken envy, and attempts at subtle sabotage of my self esteem and sports performance. Have you ever noticed periods in one’s life in which we attract more narcissists than other periods? I thought that being finally good with myself Id turn these ppl off not attract more of them into my sphere. Have you ever covered that in one of your articles? Thanks. (I am an INFJ too 🙂