By Shahida Arabi
1. You used the pain they gave you as fuel to create your greatest victories. Whatever adversity you went through due to this person, you’ve used it as a platform to rise higher and become more bold than you’ve ever been. Time and time again, you’ve channeled the toxicity of their actions into your success. Everything you learned from this relationship has been used to rebuild your life, redesign yourself and come into your full power.
2. You know how to self-validate. Narcissists love making their victims dependent on them for validation and approval. When a victim is able to self-validate and knows deep within how beautiful, successful, talented and worthy they are, it’s deeply unnerving to them. They are drawn to our confidence because they want to squash it and establish their so-called superiority. Fortunately for you, your ability to self-validate allows you to move on from a narcissist’s mind games without so much as a second glance. You don’t need their approval, because you already approve of yourself.
3. You don’t wait for answers – you give yourself closure. Rather than waiting around, pining for the narcissist to acknowledge everything you had together, you were able to give yourself closure and leave your toxic partner, friend or family member in the dust. This means no matter what they put you through, you’ve been able to walk away with your head held high in dignity. Despite any lingering self-doubt, you know deep down that you are better off without this sick and toxic person in your life.
4. You have support and you know how to support yourself. You have a healthy, thriving support network of people who love and care about you. You know when to reach out for help when you need it, but you also know how to self-soothe and take care of yourself. Your coping skills are top-notch. If you need to meditate, you do so. When you need a good runner’s high, you’re the first one on the treadmill. Whether you need to engage in self-care by taking a yoga class, attending a counseling session or taking a digital detox – you know exactly where to go to better care for yourself.
5. You’re independent – whether it be financially, emotionally, mentally, or socially – or all of the above. Narcissists rely on any void we have in our lives so they can temporarily ‘fill’ that gap before terrorizing us. However, your independence makes you a terrifying target not to be messed with, because they know you can survive on your own and can leave at any time. Whether it’s because you make your own money, have a thriving career, live on your own, have a good group of friends or don’t rely on anyone to define you (or all of the above), you’ve got it going on, all by yourself and on your own terms.
6. You pick up on manipulative and exploitative intent – and you make it clear you won’t tolerate it. When you pick up on the conniving, selfish motives of toxic people, you’re immediately turned off. You can’t even fathom wasting more time and energy on these people. Rather than working hard to cater to their needs or bend over backwards to catch up to their moving goal posts and expectations, you remove yourself from the equation altogether. Silence is your best friend and you cut off contact with people who seek to deplete you more than they support you. When you’re done, you’re done, and there’s no looking back.
7. You’re resilient as hell. You’ve come a long way on your journey to freedom and that means you’re not willing to give up, no matter what happens. You didn’t come this far just to come this far. Whatever’s in your way better watch the fuck out, because to you it’s just another obstacle to overcome on your way to freedom and success.
8. You can manifest amazing things in your life. Whether it be meeting your professional goals or finding the love of your life, there is no limit for you. You have gone through so much adversity that you are determined to reap the rewards of your hard-earned wisdom. And time and time again, you do.
9. You know your worth, so you’re always receptive to something better. You know you deserve better and you know you have options. As a result, you close yourself off to the toxicity of the old and become receptive to a future that’s bigger, better and brighter. You don’t push good things away – you welcome them with open arms, because you know you are worthy of it all and more.
10. You speak your mind and you’re a badass about following through with your boundaries. Narcissists and similar-minded toxic people try to rob us of our core values and erode our identity. Because you stand so firmly in your truth, you make no compromises when it comes to what’s important to you. If something doesn’t sit well with your integrity or beliefs, you’ll cut the ties with it fairly quickly because your personal character is of more value to you than a superficial relationship that would require you to sacrifice it.
11. You can reframe just about anything into your highest good and the greater good. The wisdom you gain can help others and you know it. You’re well aware that the obstacles you face can lead to personal development. Whether it be narcissistic abuse or another form of adversity, you’re willing to see what can be learned from each and every experience you have because you know it can be channeled into something greater. You know the best is yet to come.
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About Shahida Arabi, Bestselling Author
Shahida Arabi is a summa cum laude graduate of Columbia University graduate school, where she studied the effects of bullying across the life-course trajectory. She is the #1 Amazon bestselling author of three books, including Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself, featured as a #1 Amazon Bestseller in three categories and as a #1 Amazon bestseller in personality disorders for twelve consecutive months after its release. Her most recent book, POWER: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse, was also featured as a #1 Amazon best seller in Applied Psychology.
She is the founder of the popular blog for abuse survivors, Self-Care Haven, which has millions of views from all over the world. Her work has been shared and endorsed by numerous clinicians, mental health advocates, mental health professionals and bestselling authors. For her undergraduate education, Shahida graduated summa cum laude from NYU where she studied English Literature and Psychology. She is passionate about using her knowledge base in psychology, sociology, gender studies and mental health to help survivors empower themselves after emotional abuse and trauma. Her writing has been featured on The National Domestic Violence Hotline, Salon, The Huffington Post, MOGUL, The Meadows, Thought Catalog and Harvard-trained psychologist Dr. Monica O’Neal’s website.